there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
