ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She bit a glass in half.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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