I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
