He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
