Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize