i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
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I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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