You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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