Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize