You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
