it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
