Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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