toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
