I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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