I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
