I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
