I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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