can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
