Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
