clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
