You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
