it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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