Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
