He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
