I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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