please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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