you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
