the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Randomize