He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
