OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
