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Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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