Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
