My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
