do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Too much gin, very little bucket
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
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i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
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We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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