So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
