is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
