Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
