Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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