So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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