the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
did i just pee glitter
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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