I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
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