Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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