It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
