I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
