Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
