I just cut my nipple shaving
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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