She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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