I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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