That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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