we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
