hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
