so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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