were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
