The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
