Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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