would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
