is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
