There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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