my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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