She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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