everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
